So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
