you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
