is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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