Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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