I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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