So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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