she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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