i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
