The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
