I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
