He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
