We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
