I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She needs sedatives and a leash
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
