Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
