Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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