i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
