Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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