Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
