I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
