Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
