How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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