I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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