Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
