No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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