hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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