Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
