dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
