It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
