he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
