I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
