How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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