i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
