Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
