Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
