I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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