I just pynch a tree in the face
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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