my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
