I cockslap morals
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
