We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
