I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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