i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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