there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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