If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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