Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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