take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
