I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
