I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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