You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
