oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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