when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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