Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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